I'm with stupid  ---> netspider4@lycos.com (Karl-Hugo Weesberg) wrote:

>You are in your bed, alone, nude.
>Suddenly and without warning, David Beckham comes in your bed !
>What do you do?

I would pretend to be asleep whilst secretly tingling the tips of my
nipples to get them erect.. Then, when fully erect i would slowly
awaken, accidently pulling the duvet away from my finely tuned body as
i roll over to display my full muscular wares.. 

He'd probably say something like "I was watching you in the bar
downstairs".. yeh thats right! Cause it would be like a really posh
hotel room with satin sheets.. and there lay little ol' me in a really
big fucking four poster bed... Anyway, i would reply: "..And you
thought you would come tuck me in for the night eh?".. i would quiver
my lips at this point and place my hand on his knee.  

He would probably be aroused watching my erect nippled chest flicker
under the candlelight, cause there's fucking LOADS of candles in this
hotel room and a really big open fire with a really nice rug on the
floor made for doing sex on.

"I hear you was a naughty boy David" I would say devilishly, "Meehhh
MAAA H EMEMEMEM MEEME MEM E MMEEHAHAHAHAHAEEHEHGEEHHE
AAMAMEGEGEGEGEHH" he would reply.. I choose my words carfeully "MAA
EEEHHAAA IIE EIE I EANNNAMMAMAMMEMEMEMEEEE AAH!?" i asked.
"RfffuuuuHA UH A H! RFFFUH A HUHAHU!".

So it was true, the president really had been kidnapped earlier that
night and it looked as though only me and David Beckham knew about it.

"QUICK DAVID!! TO THE OTTERMOBILE!!" We slide down the big pole
outside and land in a Ford Mon... A VW Go... A BMW M... A BIG FUCKING
FERRARI ENZO Laden with all the latest gadgets and popcorn despensers
and those red string sweets with the white stuff in the middle.. and
that DVD player like they had on MTV Pimp my ride last month.. The one
that comes out and the screen is all built in and stuff, they also had
an aquarium in their car on that episode, well that's in there, as
well as loads of other cool stuff like xbox 4 and PS5's cause we're
some secret agents working for Ginger spice Geri Halliwell.

"HEY SKYJAM MAN! HOW FAR IS IT TO THE WHITE HOUSE?!" Beckham asks me,
"SYNC YOUR WRISTWATCH AND HOLD ONTO YOUR BALLS MOTHERFUCKER!!" i hit
this red switch that's been glowing red and we go like fuck.. Quicker
than Dan's Mk1. VR6, cause all the houses and everything just blurs,
and it handles waaay better than his mk.1 too, and the stereo is
louder, and it's got this extra thing thats much better than his
stupid fucking mp3 player with the dinosaur on it, and also every song
in the world is built into it, so we dont need mp3 shit on there cause
its got like internet and loads of other stuff built in to it.  But it
will only work if mine or David's fingerprint touches it so that
people can't steal it.. Anyway, if they tried the car would shoot them
and make them ill for weeks, like really bad headaches and shitting
everywhere.

Anyway we get to the white house in like 2 seconds, and that's from
the grand hotel, pretty good eh?  David like gets out of the car and
puts his shades on "Ok nigger we gonna do this shit?" i get out with
my AK tucked into my belt and shut the door on the Enzo.. "Meet us
round the back in 2 Geo".. "2 What?" the car replies in a knight rider
type voice (But much much clearer cause it's newer), i look at Beckham
and he winks, "2 Minutes Geo..." Geo flies off so fast no-one can see
him, apart from me and David though cause we got these special filters
in our glasses.. Well no we haven't, well, we have, but i mean we
don't need them cause we've got special eyes anyway.. but the special
filters just make things better, but if we wanted we could have better
eyesight but we choose to have the glasses.. so it doesnt mean we're
shit, its just that we liked the look of the glasses.  alright?!?!

Anyway, i spot the president in the 4th floor window and say to
Beckham "GREECE!", i duck down into a ball, Beckham does his trademark
freekick and i curl in through the window.. Just as i hit the window i
take this red pill and it slows everything down and i get all these
green numbers everywhere and it feels like i've cracked some code and
i can smash people's faces up before they even know i'm there.. So i
smash right through this window in slow motion and i'm like in the air
for fucking ages with all the glass around me, and it all turns into
the green numbers like i was saying before.. There's 4 guys in there
and one of them is the president, so i have to be careful.. I pull the
AK out from my belt and shoot one of the guys in the face and he just
dies instantly.. well, not straight away cause he like hits the floor
and i can hear him yelling 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TOO MUCH PAIN FOR ONE
PERSON TO ENDURE!!!1111tard11" but in slow motion.. While he's only
done the NOOOOOO bit i smash my elbow up into the face of another guy
behind me and as he's flying backwards from my real hard elbow move i
follow up with my foot in his face and a gun shot to his forehead...
PooOOoofff!!! choo.. choo.. choo... all bits fly out the back of his
neck in slow motion and as i'm still close to him i punch his face a
few times and it doesn't even hurt my fist... But i'm hitting him real
hard.

Anyway, i eventually land and time regains momentum again when i feel
this sharp feeling in my back.. I've been stabbed by some greasy
fucker from behind, i pull the knife out and throw it towards his head
but he ducks and it goes straight through the presidents face... oh
shit, i've really fucked this up.. The greasy skinned guy laughs at me
as he brings his foot down on my face and smashes my skull... Ouuchh!
That REALLY HURT YOU ARSEHOLE!! Anyway.. i'm dead after that.. no
shit!! 

Outside i can hear Beckham crying, he knows whats happened and starts
to go apeshit, and the greasy guy is shouting out of the window..
"HHAHAHAAHAHHA I KILLED YOUR FRIEND AND HE KILLED THE PRESIDENT YOU
ENGLISH SCUM!!!"..."11111one111".  Then at that moment Geo comes
flying round the corner and is well pissed off, cause he always liked
me cause i was always the one who would be there when the shit kicked
off, like that time in Paris when we had to stop some guy from bombing
a small tea shop.

"DAVID!!" His robotic (but realistic) voice says.. "DAVID!!".. 

"ITS ALL OVER GEO.. CANT YOU SEE?!? WE'VE FAILED!!!!" David is totally
lost without me, i thought he would be to be honest but not this much,
i mean he's really crying like a big poof..  Even Geo (Who's just a
car) looks really upset now too and starts to roar his engine with
anger.. Man those two guys must love me.. RAAOOOOROROROROAOAAORO
GRROROROAOAOAAROAROAROAO EEEEEEEEEEERRORORORORRWWLLL He skids his
wheels.. "GEO!" David shouts!! "YOU CANT.. YOU'RE NOT PROPERLY FIXED
TO DO THE TIME SCRAPE MOVE!!!" David stands watching Geo horrificily
as his wheels are spinning like shit.. like faster than Craig's
hamster that died who used to spin in that wheel after we fed him
speed all weekend.. Rooaoaoaoaowwlwlwlwllwlwlll chhhuuuurroowwllllll,
The wheels start digging into the ground.. then suddenly the earth
shakes.. then it shakes again... and then the earth starts turning,
the wheels of Geo's car is turning the earth!!!! "YOU'RE YOU'RE DOING
IT GEO!!" Yells Beckham.. "AY AY SIR!!" Replies Geo as he gives it all
he's got... And Beckham smiles.. Just as i bet you smiled when you
read this right?!?! RRORORORORORORRWWWLLLEE EHEHHEHEHEHEHEH
AGRGGRRGRGRGRROOWLLLWLWLLL the earth spins so fast that time starts
going backwards.. kcit kcit kcit kcit (Thats tick backwards) and
everything undoes i feel the blood drain back into my body and i get
up and man i'm really fucking annoyed that this cunt had killed me
earlier.. or later.. whatever it would be.. so i pick him up by his
throat and squeeze him like popeye squeezes those spinach tins and
watch as his fucking giblets come out from every single orrifice in
his face.. And then i punch him with my fist until he explodes..
YEAH!! And i turn round and the president is ok now too.. And he's
saying "GO SKYJAM! GO SKYJAM!" I pick him up and use my flying power
to escape through the window and out onto the pavement outside.

We all go back in he car and Beckham says "I thought you was a goner
then skyjam" to which i explain that "Not that easily partner.. But i
sure fancy a nice doner!", and the president says "I fancy a nice hard
boner!!" And then we all laugh and drive off in Geo.

Yeah, thats what i would do.

-- 
Playing: FIFA 2005.... Thats it atm
Awaiting: PES4 & HALO2 (Yawn yes i know)